Dear Baby Girl...

mama tee, baby bump, third trimester

Dear Baby Girl, my second daughter, the missing piece of my heart, someday I'll tell you the story of the time you spent in my belly, and how you kept me afloat through many seasons of drowning.

You're probably with him right now, but before he met you in Heaven your Grandpa was here with us. When I was 6 weeks pregnant we were devastated with the news that he had only weeks to live, and by the time I was 14 weeks it was time for him to meet Jesus. I had had an ultrasound that day and loved every second of watching you wiggle around inside of me. My heart swelled with love for you and at the same time broke knowing how different my life would soon be. I wanted to show your Grandpa your picture that day but never got the chance. I know he's holding you now before I get the chance to have you in my own arms.

After a second trimester filled with pain, both emotional and physical, I could never have guessed what would happen next. The whole world would slow down together to fight off an invisible enemy. A virus taking over the globe meant that we all had to stay inside for a long time. I don't mind staying in with your big sister, but she asks me to go somewhere every day so I think she misses our outings as much as I do! Though I pictured our final days just the two of us spent going to playdates and mommy and me classes, I know we will get to do those things again someday with you! I can't wait to see you two girls at the splash pad together or shopping for clothes and shoes (a favorite activity of your big sis!).

As your due date approaches and my excitement to meet you grows, I can't help but feel anxious for what your delivery and first days and weeks of life will look like. I hope that your grandparents can come meet you without us fearing them making you sick. I hope we can easily run to the store at midnight for anything you might need. At this point it doesn't seem like you will get to meet Avery on your birth day, but I know she will be just as excited to meet you when you come home for the first time.

Another hard thing for me is that we probably won't have a chance to celebrate you with a baby shower or sprinkle. I hate that those pages of your baby book will be blank. Please know that it isn't a choice, in fact your Grandma was planning something before all this craziness started. Know that I celebrate you every single day since before we even knew about you, little lady.

So many parts of this pregnancy have been harder than anything I've ever gone through in my entire life. I could have never imagined where I am today even one year ago. I don't know what the future holds, but I know it will be brighter because you'll be in it!

Maybe someday you'll read this and feel sad for me, maybe you will think that I am strong or brave. But I hope that it shows you just how much I love you, and how I would go through anything for you. That won't change once you're here. I love you with all my heart sweet girl. And I can not wait for the day we meet, I can not wait more than you will ever know.

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